Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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