I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
