i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
