after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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