Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
