A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
