Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
North Korea, Best Korea!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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