hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk is not a location!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
