ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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