so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
