Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
