I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wanna go halves on a baby?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
