she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
