I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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