i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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