i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
