So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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