why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
