he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
