I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
