You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
