remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
