I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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