I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
