Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
