She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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