Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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