My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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