All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
