And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
