I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
