Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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