i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
