4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
