There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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