I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
