you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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