A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
