His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
