Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
