i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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