Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
