He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
