He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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