He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
