you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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