Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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