whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
