I heard we made out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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