this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
