Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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