im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You can't special order awesome
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
