Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
